The Iggblog

On my Christmas wish-list:

I’d like to have the ability to clench my fist in a Rage-Of-Darkness(tm), compressing time and space. A wormhole would be created through the intarweb, connecting the center of the singularity with the immortal soul of whoever is on the other end of the phone at the moment. If the internet lines at work can handle all the music and movies people download here, what’s one immortal soul more or less? Using this power I would crush their soul, and their physical bodies would follow… being contorted, torn, and twisted into impossible shapes describable only in 11 dimensional figures. At this point they would exist as mere fingers in our reality, their bodies being tormented in places our primitive eyes cannot see.

Surely after all that they would not be able to continue on with the phonecall they’ve placed to me. How could I with them in that condition? I could hang up with the satisfaction that I had handled them to the furthest extent of my abilities. I could guiltlessly toss them into the callback queue with the poor engineers who would eventually get to deal with their tortured souls. Then I could get back to my real work instead of dealing with this end-user crap. On a normal night I get 3-5 calls from this customer TOPS. This week I’ve been getting more like 15 calls… all between around 5am and 7am (the tail-end of my shift). I’m not a call center phone jockey, thanks. So Santa, if you’re watching, please fill my holiday season with cheer and allow me to humble power to crush the bodies and souls of the bastard Satan-mongering asshole end-users that riddle my night with dead puppies, wilted flowers, and shattered rainbows.