The Iggblog

Funny things happen when the internet gets applied to real life.

So there I am, chilling with my bad self at Quizno’s. I’d ordered my tasty Black Angus sub and made my way into the traffic jam in the parking lot. The road planning of this plaza sucks, and there’s usually a wait to get out, with the line trailing back into the parking lanes. This blocks in parked cars for non-trivial amounts of time, and sometimes unfortunate people have to wait to even get in the traffic jam.

I was sitting in the line of cars and some asshat starts to back up… into me. I honk to let him know that there are in fact cars behind him, and he is perhaps being hasty with his actions. he yells “Move your damn car!” at me. This confuses me since there are very obviously cars in line before and after me, and I wonder where the hell he expects me to move. Perplexed and slightly miffed at his attitude I yell “Die in a fire!” back at him. This was more out of reflex than anything. His jaw drops and he just stares at me. It occured to me that he has probably never heard this expression before, and that it is an abnormally wicked thing for one person to say to another in earnest. He was certainly not aware that it’s a standard substitution for “fuck you” on the internet. Note to self: keep internet on the internet. The “norms” are not ready for the kind of casual wrath that forum dwellers sling at eachother. He didn’t have a retort for me, other than a look of complete shock on his face. Traffic started moving again and we both went on our ways. I felt bad for a few moments, until I remembered he was going to reverse t-bone me out of complete stupidity. At least I didn’t couple the common “eat razorblades” with what I’d said, I suppose.